27. DAN DOTY | On EQ, Finding Oneself + One’s Purpose, the Physics of Human Connection + Building EVRYMAN
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“My deepest desire is to be so fully alive that all things happen at once. If i ever got a tattoo i would get those three words on my three fingers: ALL AT ONCE. i would like to experience the totality of all that exists in one single moment.”
Photo from EVERYMN.co
HERE's the known.
This connection is another one of those timing is everything and patience is a virtue. I first heard of Dan Doty indirectly via (once again) Jesse Israel, when mentioning a men’s retreat he’d attended called EVRYMAN. At first, I was connected to it’s co-founder, Sascha Lewis, with whom I met in person last fall. I made a note in my notebook that I’d like to continue this conversation with a potential collaboration in mind. Almost a year later, I attended a MediClub in Brooklyn. There I was grouped with four strangers to discuss a prompted topic. I exchanged contacts with one of the men after the event. We met for coffee. He mentioned EVRYMAN and suggested I connect with the Founder. An email was sent and a week later I was on a call with Dan Doty.
We had things in common. Dan used to work as a producer, as had I. He had a love for Montana, as did I from my work there with VICE. But mostly we connected on the human condition and the need for the type of connection and conversation that he was providing for men. He expanded on EVRYMAN and what the retreat entails. He spoke of the men he was meeting. He made mention that he was looking to work with women as well. I knew then that this was my people. That was conversation #1.
After a few weeks processing our conversation, I sent a follow up email asking Dan if he’d be interested in a podcast conversation. He immediately said yes. We set up a time and here’s the result of this timeline of events.
The truth of the matter is this (as it always is): timing is everything. When Jesse first mentioned EVRYMAN, I had just started my IN THE UNKNOWN Workshops. I was not yet ready to properly comprehend and process the context of this podcast because I hadn’t yet done the work with others. Now, with nearly 60 Workshops under my belt, I had the experience and the hours to pull from my personal experiences in workshop, and to use my own personal journey as an example to relate. The patience it takes to get to this place is immense, however, when we exercise it and trust the process of time, we do not miss the connection when it arises, even if it comes months later.
What I know is that Dan is a Warrior, someone on a journey to create space for all to reconnect with self and others. His approach is a bit different than mine and this could be due to his stronger foundation of self-confidence. That said, he too fears common Unknowns to mine, and articulates them most vulnerably with an immense strength, kindness and compassion.
This is a listen for EVRYMAN looking to change their life. For every woman looking to better understand her man. And for anyone looking for self-betterment and a new way to live their life. I suggest STRONGLY that if you like what you hear you share: men, attend this retreat // women, suggest it to your men. This is a win for all.
Thank you Dan for your heart + your mind. Friend (you know who you are) for the connect. And J for the planting of the seed.
Enjoy
HERE’s DAN’S UNKNOWN(s).
In four weeks, my wife is due with our second boy. It’s like a Known, right? we know that is happening but all of the details of it, of what it means to be a dad for more than one child, of who the hell this kids being is that’s coming into our family. That’s a big Unknown.
Where this professional experience is headed and how EVRYMN is going to grow, if it’s going to grow, when it’s going to grow, what that means in terms of security and stability for myself and my family -- that’s a big Unknown. There’s affirmation everywhere, always and constant. The need [for communities like EVRYMAN] is so pressing and clear and massive. But in an honest sense, turning something into a sustainable business model that works is scary and there is a lot of unknown. EVRYMAN is my first true experience as an entrepreneur and a business owner, and it’s fucking scary. It’s super scary. I had a job before and obviously that’s not capital ‘S’ secure all the time either, but on a base sort of survival for myself and my family, it is super scary.
photo from EVRYMN.co
“I think the direct and the fast way to surrendering to who you are is to show up and to sit across from other people; men, women, old, young, rich, poor, black, white..all the things.
in the process that we use at EVRYMAN, the thing that i believe in more than anything is three simple steps:
1) you slow the hell down .. i mean really slow down, when you’re with people you slow down
2) you begin to feel what’s true for you in your body and you be very specific, starting with the somatic, like what is your body telling you and [accessing] the emotional, these very simple questions of ‘what do you feel’ + ‘what do you want’
3) then you take the risk to share that with somebody else
that to me is like the physics of human connection - it’s how humans are able to feel, resonate, be seen and be heard.”
CONNECt:
IG @_evryman_
IG @danieldoty
FB @evryman.co
FB @dandotymentor
TWITTER @danieldoty
WEBSITE:
http://evryman.co/
http://www.dan-doty.com/
